Well, it's Christmastime

The Survey:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Well, my dad and I have a tradition of drinking egg nog together during the Christmas season... especially cuz it's usually not that cold outside. But I do really like the Cocoa Trio from Seattle's Best.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Depends on how much time Santa spent tucking in his/her kids. One Christmas Santa just stuffed all our presents in a big plastic tote and only let us pull one out at a time... then another Christmas Santa was a sneak and had the kids wrap their own presents... And 2 years ago Santa forgot to buy wrapping paper or Christmas bags so he put them all in HAPPY BIRTHDAY bags.

3. Colored light on house/tree or white? Colored lights on the tree. White lights outside.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, we never have.

5. When do you put your decorations up? The tradition has always been the day after Thanksgiving, but here lately since I am not home much, it's whenever my dad has free time.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? I adore salmon spread on ritz crackers and my grandma's amazing biscuits.

7 . Favorite holiday memory as a child? getting to take care of the tree when we used to have a live one, i was always the only would that could keep it alive from thankgsgiving to new years.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? when i was 4 and my brother ran into my pre-school and yelled that santa wasn't real

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? our family tradition is to celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve... so we open all gifts.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? a hodge podge of multiple things.

11. Snow. Love it or dread it? i love snow, it's the only plausible reason for the bitter cold.

12. Can you ice skate? why yes i can, but i haven't in forever.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? probably my cellphone service. but i really just love the traditions more than that.

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? family time and traditions.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? i love my mom's white/cherry nougat thing. i also love my grandmother's pistachio pie.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? i love all the traditions! but i think the most special one is that Christmas eve we spend with extended family and then go home and do presents and then on Christmas day we just eat a lot of snacks and play board games and watch movies.

17. What tops your Christmas tree? when i was a kid, it was the coolest star in the whole world and i loved it. but then my brother stepped on it and broke it. so now i think it's some kind of angel someone gave us.

18. Which do you prefer - giving or receiving? i lovvvve giving, but i like recieving too.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? i love ones in a different language like a welsh lullaby oorr noel noeleta... !

20. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck? they are okay. i prefer the flavored ones

21. What do you want for Christmas? i would really love this piece of artwork by my favorite artist, the word on the street, and some other random stuff. but i'd really just like to be home.

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party? it's a Christmas/thanksgiving party. it is always the saturday after thanksgiving and we put up my friend aprel's tree and then decorate it. she cooks really well. and its amazing.

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ’s? at the extended family we dress, at home we do pjs

24. Do you own a Santa hat? no

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? Family, always family! i love Christmas more than thanksgiving because i get to spend time with my cousin and the food is better, haha.

daylight

So a good friend of mine recently needed help with a broadcasting project. He was going to take the song "daylight" by brave saint saturn and voice over parts of it with clips of people talking about the prodigal son. I'd never heard this song before, and it has now become my favorite song.
At 4:15 I'm going to record my portion of the story. I chose to reflect on the fact that the younger son was eating pig slop (very similar to the crap of the world) and realizes that he is no longer worthy to be his father's son. I feel that this portion pertains a lot to me and my walk with Christ, because I often eat pig slop, in fact I bathe in it. I have never noticed the portion of the verse where it says that "no one gave him anything." This is truly the story of my life, because though I am constantly in the filth, I still feel that I have nothing.
I have always had difficulty as a self-mutilator to find worth in Christ. I have always felt unworthy to go to Christ and be loved by Him.
but while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him... for this son of mine was dead and now he is alive again.
I have always felt that being depressed is slightly like being dead, because you are so dead to the world. And only in the Father's arms can you find life again...


"Daylight" by Brave Saint Saturn
Did you hear the news today
I'm not coming home,
No
And i wished it all away
I felt so alone
And the darkness crept it's way
Like stars we know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here in the shadows of eclipsing moons
Crawling on a tightrope
The bravest thing I have is hope

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, tonight

Halogen, the lights will flicker
Incandescent burning lies
And the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies aching for a spark
Trembling in pitchest dark

Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria

U.S.S. Gloria: Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, do you read me?
Mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions

News Reporter: The crew is now out of radio contact.
Presently there is no way for us to know whether they
Are alive or dead.
Our hopes and prayers go out with you all.

Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?

U.S.S. Gloria: Houston this is the U.S.S. Gloria.
Good to hear your voice
We are coming out of the eclipse now.
I see the sunlight. It's beautiful
The sunlight is beautiful.

Jesus Christ, Light of the World
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness, You held me
Still held me
When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone
Your words are life
Cut marrow through
The darkness, to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me

Savior
Daylight
I am coming home

crushed

I told the guy I like that I liked him.

Okay, it went like this:
Basically, I texted Daniel last night and asked if we could talk today before we leave for break.
I was nervous as heck, and honestly didn't want to verbalize it to his face.
But then he asked what I wanted to talk to him about. So I told him
"I just want to tell you that I don't want this to change things unless you want it to change things... whatever happens is your decision, I just need to tell you this."
He looked at me weird and said "ok"
I basically said "I have feelings for you, I like you. I wanted to tell you before break so we both have to think about it and everything"
He looked at me like he was in pain and said "do you want a response now?"
I replied "no, you have thanksgiving to think about it, unless you already know the answer and there is no decision to be made in which, yes I would like a response, but it doesn’t have to be immediate."
He again looked at me with pain and said "I don’t know... I don’t know"
I sarcastically said "I don’t know is your response?"
He replied cautiously and sweetly "I just don’t feel like that towards you, I just don’t think of you like that"
I said "that's okay. I’m sure you knew this was coming."
He nodded
I said "I just wanted... I needed to get this out. But I kind of already knew you didn't feel the same, and that's okay"
Then there was an awkward pause and he continued talking like it was no big deal and what just happened hadn't happened.





I really hope we stay friends

a lot

well, a lot has been on my mind lately. that is probably the reason i haven't blogged in a week.
for starters i just watched love actually. it is rated r so beware... but it is so worth it i think. it really gives you a perspective on love. it was definitely a nice break from all the "teen" movies i've been watching like mr. deeds, saving silverman, and my unhealthy addiction to trauma: life in the er and mystery diagnosis. it's amazing what a year at jbu can make you enjoy watching-- like the fascination that occurs when a jube bug burrows into someone's ear or when a man decides his ankle is broken, which he forms a cast out of cement that ends up burning his skin.
i think i am obsessed with truth. whether it be "untold stories of the er" or a movie with a realistic outlook on love and relationships. i'm also obsessed with my new sheets that are super soft-- they remind me of that commercial about the soft kleenex.
i miss home. i miss my family, and my dogs. i miss my friends and my church. i miss it all.

i'm stucck in a rut here, but ruts aren't so bad. at least this one doesn't seem to be...

fall break

It was a weird break, to be honest. I didn't particularly do anything super fun except watch movies. My friends wanted to go to Six Flags and so we did-- the shows were boring and I was too nauseous to ride anything besides the swings and parachutes. We had some great food like my mom's taco salad and fresh produce; we also ate at Chapp's Cafe and went shopping. I bought a new belt and a pair of corduroy slip-ons from American Eagle. They were on sale, of course. We didn't go to my church, which was disappointing because I really love and miss my church. I got to see one of my friends that I haven't seen in a long time and that was really good. I needed to see him. It was really great to see my family-- this was the hardest trip for me, because the semester is really tough and I really just need to be home right now. I basically cried for an hour on the way back to JBU just because I really want to be home right now.

So that's my life in a nutshell here recently.

Ahh

It is a great day today. It is super beautiful outside and I got to be out in it for a while.
Doctors take WAY too long to see their patients though. Daniel and I waited 2 hours to see the doctor. I am not kidding. Sure we talked and bonded through the entire waiting process, but still. We ate at Olive Garden which was a treat. I wore Kendle's Moon Boots today-- they are the most warm and comfortable shoes I've ever worn in my life. I got 5 compliments in them, which made me feel special.

It has been a tough week, but break starts tomorrow and I at least get to go home for a little while.

Eisha

Today was really spectacular. I enjoyed an awesome trail ride (which I will be sore for in the morning) and some fun times in the pouring rain. My Passion group had dinner together tonight-- Best bread ever! And counseling was pretty swell too. I mean, No I'm not doing absolutely spectacular lately--- but my day was positive.