crushed

I told the guy I like that I liked him.

Okay, it went like this:
Basically, I texted Daniel last night and asked if we could talk today before we leave for break.
I was nervous as heck, and honestly didn't want to verbalize it to his face.
But then he asked what I wanted to talk to him about. So I told him
"I just want to tell you that I don't want this to change things unless you want it to change things... whatever happens is your decision, I just need to tell you this."
He looked at me weird and said "ok"
I basically said "I have feelings for you, I like you. I wanted to tell you before break so we both have to think about it and everything"
He looked at me like he was in pain and said "do you want a response now?"
I replied "no, you have thanksgiving to think about it, unless you already know the answer and there is no decision to be made in which, yes I would like a response, but it doesn’t have to be immediate."
He again looked at me with pain and said "I don’t know... I don’t know"
I sarcastically said "I don’t know is your response?"
He replied cautiously and sweetly "I just don’t feel like that towards you, I just don’t think of you like that"
I said "that's okay. I’m sure you knew this was coming."
He nodded
I said "I just wanted... I needed to get this out. But I kind of already knew you didn't feel the same, and that's okay"
Then there was an awkward pause and he continued talking like it was no big deal and what just happened hadn't happened.





I really hope we stay friends

a lot

well, a lot has been on my mind lately. that is probably the reason i haven't blogged in a week.
for starters i just watched love actually. it is rated r so beware... but it is so worth it i think. it really gives you a perspective on love. it was definitely a nice break from all the "teen" movies i've been watching like mr. deeds, saving silverman, and my unhealthy addiction to trauma: life in the er and mystery diagnosis. it's amazing what a year at jbu can make you enjoy watching-- like the fascination that occurs when a jube bug burrows into someone's ear or when a man decides his ankle is broken, which he forms a cast out of cement that ends up burning his skin.
i think i am obsessed with truth. whether it be "untold stories of the er" or a movie with a realistic outlook on love and relationships. i'm also obsessed with my new sheets that are super soft-- they remind me of that commercial about the soft kleenex.
i miss home. i miss my family, and my dogs. i miss my friends and my church. i miss it all.

i'm stucck in a rut here, but ruts aren't so bad. at least this one doesn't seem to be...